I called my sister last night after reading her post about Blueness and it got me thinking about this road of motherhood that a lot of us have chosen to walk down. I know being a mother is one of the greatest, noblest, most honorable callings in life but WHY does it have to be so hard sometimes? The daily drudgery of diapers, laundry, crumbs, crying, cooking, ouchies and always coming last in line is just that– DRUDGERY!
It’s hard not to say to yourself “Why me?” or “They must have it better than me” or “How in the heck do they keep their house so clean?” “Gosh they sure are skinny and stylish!” Then we look down at ourselves and feel depressed. How do we stop this cycle?? Some people look so put together but I’ve realized it’s all a facade. They have their troubles too. They are spending just as much time looking inward and wondering why others look better than they do. It’s a viscous world.
Maybe some of you are reading this and thinking “What? I don’t get what she’s talking about. I am put together.” So correct me if I’m wrong and tell me your secrets but my feeling is that a lot of us feel this way.
DRUDGERY DRUDGERY DRUDGERY
It’s so hard not to get down about it. Especially when it’s you know what time… aaaawwwww!!!
“Look out here comes mom! Everyone lay low. Don’t speak, eat or move in her direction. She might explode at any minute.”
One thing that I’ve been struggling with lately is getting a proper balance of alone time. I find myself always wanting it. Shop, climb, date night, scrapbook club …whatever! Just get me out of the house. Don’t get me wrong. I love being a mom. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love my kids. I love my husband BUT what is so wrong with wanting some time alone from the kiddos? It’s healthy for us isn’t it? I just need a proper balance. What’s too much or too little?
When I lived in MD I had a gym membership to Lady of America. I loved it. I would go 3 times a week in the morning. Babysitting was included in the fees and it was so reasonable. I would walk on the treadmill, take a class or even just pretend to exercise and chat with the ladies. I felt healthy and sane. I haven’t found a gym here in UT that is it’s equal and I think that is what has been so hard for me. I have this climbing gym membership but the babysitting isn’t up and running yet and it a little pricey. The hubby is willing to watch the kids once, maybe twice a week, but for some reason it seems crazy to go in the evenings when we could be home together. It feels like I’m running away… I should be home. Doing what? I don’t know… watching TV. That’s a good idea. Plus all the singles seem to go at night and I feel kind of silly. (Hello, anyone! I need a climbing partner.) I need a permanent babysitter so me and Jer can go together. That would be AWESOME!! I might just go every night. See… do I have problem?
Another thing that is crazy about being a mom is that we seem to need something to obsess about. Gardening, scrapbooking, quilting, shopping, crafting, cooking, eating, internet… (ummm… rock climbing)… the list goes on. We need something to think about other than the house and kids. (Well, I guess some of you do obsess over your house and kids) but we need some sort of interaction with the outside world. I tell Jer that I go shopping just so I feel like I’m contributing to the world of business. I’ll admit it… I’m a consumer. That is my job! But we need to find some sort of balance so that we are happy, the kids are happy and the hubbies are happy.
So I guess overall is that we are all in this together, right? We all have our blue moments, we feel happy and at peace when everyone is healthy and things are running smoothly. I think we all feel like we could bite off a few heads sometimes but that’s the point. That’s how our mom’s did felt (even though they may not remember or will admit to it because it was hush hush), that is how we feel and that is how my little girl will most likely feel too.
And so this must be what it feels like to be called MOM.
(somebody better go tell all those teenagers who are messing around and want to be moms way too soon)
4 responses so far ↓
1 Katie // May 23, 2007 at 4:09 pm
I can definitely identify with this, though I am not a SAHM (I identify myself as a SAHM, but then I have to stop and think “oh yeah, I’ve been working FT for 3 years”).
You may think that at least I get to get out of the house and away from the kids every day. This is true. At work no one is climbing all over me, or trying to nurse off me every time I sit down, or asking me for milk 5000 times per hour. But it’s not fulfilling in the slightest.
I feel like I get to deal with all the drudgery of motherhood, plus I don’t get to have many fun times with my kids. When we are together, we are tired, hungry, and trying to cram a day’s worth of life and home-care into an hour. Somehow the house gets just as messy (or messier) as if we were at home all day.
Like you said, we just have to remember that we are all in this together. I keep thinking that once I’m a SAHM, I’ll find an amazingly awesome friend, and we’ll be in it together. We’ll be each other’s best friend, automatic babysitter, etc. But I suppose I would actually have to interact with people in order for that to happen.
2 kerflop // May 24, 2007 at 11:05 am
Thanks for talking to me the other night. I wish we lived closer.
3 Melody // May 24, 2007 at 1:54 pm
As I sit here, it is 10am. I am still in my PJ’s. I will not shower until the kids are in bed tonight. I have cleaned the house already once today and done the dishes, but you’d never know it by the new stack in the sink and the toys that have been re-strewn about the living room floor. You said it all. I absolutely know how you feel. I do “style” my hair once a week…on Sunday’s because church is at 1 and my husband can help with the kids. I too have releases that I don’t think I get often enough (scrapbooking, sleeping, talking with adult girls). I’m here for ya’. Love motherhood, but I would really love sitting down for a meal without the worries of what is falling on the floor or flying silverware.
4 Julia-Mom of two and a half girls // May 31, 2007 at 10:06 pm
Being a mom is just plain hard Work (with a capital ‘W’), isn’t it? I wish that I could play all day–with my kids, with other mom’s, with my hubby, whomever–but it just doesn’t work that way. There is just too much work to be done and it is NEVER ENDING. Here is a typical day in my home: Get up, get dressed (with or without a shower and/or make-up), dress the kids, breakfast, breakfast clean-up, errands, snack, snack clean-up, tidy house, lunch, lunch clean-up, naptime for younger children/quiet time or older preschoolers (while mommy attempts to get something productive accomplished while wishing she could nap or have quiet time herself), snack, snack clean-up, play time with the munchkins (if there aren’t too many other things that need doing), dinner, dinner clean-up, baths (if I have the energy), night time routine followed by the mommy of the family wanting to calapse into a heap on the floor out of sheer exhaustion, but wanting to spend time with her hubby or tend to all of the cleaning, organizing, planning/calandar scheduling, scrapbooking, journaling, emailing, blog reading etc. that she didn’t have time to do during the day. The worst part is that it starts all over again tomorrow. It is like that “song that never ends. It just goes on and on my friend”–Motherhood goes on and on and never ends. There are no real breaks or time-outs for a mom EVER. When you’re away and someone else is watching your kids (even hubby) you usually feel guilty about being away too long or enjoying being away just a little more than you feel that you should. On that note, what’s up with motherhood guilt? Honestly, why do we have to feel so dang guilty all the time? Aren’t we giving so much that we deserve a little, or a lot, of guilt-free time away, alone. I’m struggling with the whole balance issue too. I can’t seem to figure out how much away time is too much, or too selfish; however, I too, find myself wanting it ALL THE TIME! I dunno. Hopefully, I can figure it out soon. Good luck to all of you mommies. I’m sure that you are doing better than you think that you are and you’d be surprised to find out how many people there are (particularly other mommies) who think that you have it all together, even when you don’t.