I accidentally let Isaac take a cat nap in the car today so it’s going to be a long afternoon for me.
Speaking of the little man, he is starting to do something new… it is so annoying. He is throwing these little tantrum fits. He’ll crinkle up his face and scream really loud and mean sounding… like he hates me and is so mad at me. He’ll fling his arms around and hit anything with in sight, multiple times, occasionally banging his head around. I know the little man is frustrated but he just can’t climb up on the counter, play with anything he wants, eat small objects or whatever else he wants to do.
Come on now, buddy. Lets learn some limits.
I’m pretty terrified about it because I know he’s going to spazz out on me one day somewhere really public. I want to nip it in the bud right now before he gets in the habit of it but I’m not sure how to deal with it. He’s 15 mos…. any ideas??
Time outs? Speaking gently? Uh Oh… how sad? Ignore it?
My name is Manda and I love creating 
My son had giant tantrums. When they started I asked him firmly to stop or he wouldn’t be allowed to stay in the room with everyone else.
If he didn’t (Which was usually the outcome) I took him (Usually kicking and screaming) and deposited him in his room saying, “When you stop crying and are in a better mood you can come out”
Sometimes you have to hold the door shut, but after awhile, it works.
oh goodness, please don’t put a 15 month old in a room by himself. He’s upset and he needs you. The worst thing you can do for someone who is raging mad is to isolate him more.
Just be compassionate. Get close, try to hold him if he’ll let you. He may act like he doesn’t want you, but if you walk away (or, even scarier, lock him away from you) he’ll probably show his fear. I imagine if he’s that upset, he’s probably afraid of his own emotions. He needs you to be a calm, loving presence during those times of absolute frustration while he rides out the storm.
Chances are, after feeling heard and understood for a minute or two, and realizing that it’s not going to change things (meaning you’re not going to change your mind and let him play on the counter AND you’re not going to change your attitude of unconditional love and adoration for him, no matter how annoying his behavior is at the moment), he’ll probably stop suddenly, get distracted by something, smile, and move on.
I’d have to say that distraction has been the best technique that I have tried (and believe me I’ve had to be creative and try a lot in order to find the ones that actually work, for my kids at least). Daugher number two, Rebekah–Bekah for short–(now 23-months-old), has been my little tantrum thrower over the last few months and I have had to really work to ‘nip’ the habit ‘in the bud.’ With her, distraction has worked wonders. However, I’ve learned that before I try and distract her from being so upset I have to tend to the situation at hand. What I have done with Bekah is allow her to be upset (sad or mad) for no more than a minute or two. During that time I try to talk her through her emotions and the situation, as best I can. Of course I keep in mind that she’s only one year old, so I child-ize my language. I explain things like, “I’m sorry but you can’t climb on the table”, or “it’s not a good choice to climb on the table.” I try to both acknowledge, and talk her through, her emotions by saying things like, “I know that makes you feel sad/mad, but it’s just not a good choice.” Then I quickly follow by telling her a couple of things that she could choose to do, like sit in her booster and color at the table, or read a book at the table, or eat a snack, or whatever else I can think of that I wouldn’t mind her doing.
Sometimes, however, none of this works at all. When that is the case, I again let her know that it’s okay to be upset sometimes, but that she needs to sit in time-out until she can feel happy again. I tell her that when she can stop crying and be happy again that she can come and play. This is, of course, after I have attempted to do all of those wonderful things mentioned by lolly in her reply, such as be compassionate, get close, remain calm, be gentle, understanding, and loving–all without success.
All in all though, I’ve learned that even if you know all the best child-rearing techniques, applying them is a whole different story, particularly when using them on your own kids. Sometimes certain methods work, sometimes they don’t; you just have to be so flexible as a parent. I try and keep in mind that it must be hard for a one-year-old, who is just getting big enough to do cool things like climb up on the table/counter, put fascinating things in their mouths, and discover the world in other exciting ways, that it must be hard for them to be told that they can’t do some of that neat stuff. However, as a parent, I’ve learned that my job is to facilitate safe exploration, therefore all those boundaries and limits are necessary. I know it’s a pain, but consistency is the key when using any discipline technique. Whatever method, or methods, you choose to use, just make sure to use them consistently with your child and they will eventually learn.
In closing, here is my favorite child-rearing quote of all time, “One hour of teaching, saves three hours of discipline” –Lynn Scorseby [Child Development Guru; i.e. educator/ professor (BYU), and author of many child development books]. The reason that I like this quote so much, is because it reminds me that if I just spend that one hour teaching my child, that I will save three hours disciplining her/him for making mistakes that I never taught her/him how to avoid.
We’ll that’s all for now. Good luck to all you mommies out there. I know it’s hard to be a mom sometimes (it definitely is for me with a 3-yr-old, a 23-mo-old, and daughter number 3 expected to arrive Oct 7th), but isn’t it so worth it too?
jake threw himself on the floor kicking and screaming when he was 9 months old. I thought i would die! What i have learned though is that he was just frustrated because he couldn’t tell me what he wanted. Distraction is best at such a young age and when they get older and can understand better you teach them that the behavior is naughty. I would spent time trying to figure out what he wanted. Maybe Issac is trying to get to something on the counter. Pick him up and have him show you what he wants. Or just throw him out the window…whatever. (I AM KIDDING EVERYONE!!!)
Lolly.
I don’t feel my response was uncompassionate. My childed needed the physical separation before he would calm down and “Get distracted”.
I tried your way for quite some time before I found what worked for US.
Just because it is different from how you would act does not mean that you are not a loving mother. Not all children respond the same way.
I totally agree Loralee. Sometimes, as a parent, you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do–meaning you’ve got to do what works best for you and your little one(s). For example, giving my little Sarah (3 yrs.) a stern look for misbehaving is all it takes to produce the water-works, whereas my Bekah (23 mos.) is barely phased by the same response–the kid is almost entertained by time outs (e.g. she plays with the carpet). So, I’ve learned that I have to discipline the two girls differently in order to achieve the same end result. It’s definitely been a trial and error process trying to discover the best methods for our two very different daughters; and even now my husband and I have to remain flexible and be willing to modify the system as needed.