“Do you ever feel like you’ve become the worst version of yourself?” Isn’t that what Meg Ryan writes to Tom Hanks in You’ve Got Mail?

I have felt like that all evening.

my run, run, run, run, ah run away…  Is that how the song goes?

Well anyway, I do have a run away on my hands. Isaac has no bubble around him what so ever. No distance is too far, no stranger is too strange and no cliff is too steep. I swear, I’ll be surprised if Isaac makes it to his 3rd birthday.

I have made all efforts to keep Isaac safe and locked in this house! I have put door knob covers on the doors. I’m in the habit of closing the garage door every time I come home. I’m making sure I know where he is at all times.

I can’t tell you how many times I have caught him darting across the circle headed for the neighbors back yard. Obviously our back yard not fun enough. Last week I found him 3 houses down, in their back yard shooting hoops like it was the most normal thing in the world to be doing. Another time, a neighbor (2 houses down) informed us that one day Isaac walked in their back door and sat down on their couch as comfortable as can be. He had never been in this house before.

This boy is going to turn me gray very soon.

I had been feeling guilty about loosing track of him so much. All these events are not my fault though. The boy is crazy fast. I now have proof too.

Last Sunday in church I was sick so Jer took me home after sacrament. Upon his return to church the ladies in the nursery asked Jer to change Isaac’s diaper.  He did and then returned him back to the nursery. The ladies commented on how quick Isaac was and how he had slipped out of the class room earlier that day (as well as the week before.) In an effort to combat this they pushed a table up against the door so it couldn’t be opened. Jer returned to his class and 10 min later someone came to get him and asked him if he or I had Isaac. The answer was obviously NO so the search part began. No one had seen him in the hallway so he must have gone out the door. Everyone flew to the parking lot. He was no where to be found. About 15 min later someone discovered him. Isaac had gone into another sacrament meeting and had sat down with some strange family and had been playing with their toys and totally enjoying himself. The family assumed it was someone’s child in their meeting and just let him play.

I am so happy he was found and that he was safe. How awful it would have been if something horrible had happened! I can’t help but giggle though. I’m also so happy that I wasn’t involved in his disappearance. It makes me feel like I’m not totally negligent and that these challenges are because Isaac is really so fast and can quietly sneak out in a split second. It could really happen to anyone. I have certainly learned to keep a tight rein on this boy and hopefully he’ll make it see another year of life.

I hate controversy. I hate it. I HATE it. I try to avoid it at all cost. If I ever do have an opinion on a subject I will always loose the debate because I’m horrible at defending myself.  I read this and I read that and then I’m still stuck in the middle. I feel like it is this man’s opinion against that man’s opinion. Data and research seems to be skewed to whatever outcome or point is wanted. I hate making decisions when faced with a controversial subject.

Today I had to make a decision.

I finally scheduled Wellness Exams for the kids. I skipped last years because of our move and not knowing where to get established, so it’s been 2 years since the last ones. I thought I better have one for Emma in preparation for kindergarten.

When Emma was born we had decided to delay her vaccinations. Slowly overtime she received most of them by the age of two. Since I skipped last years exams she is in need of a bunch of boosters. Isaac has had none.

So I have had to decide… do I give Emma her boosters or do I go to the health department and sign the exemption form for school.

Sigh. I spent most the morning on the computer reading articles, websites and reports. I hate it.

WHERE IS THE TRUTH, PEOPLE??

We went to our appointment.  The doctor was so nice. It was our first time in this office so I was so nervous about getting yelled or lectured at. This doc was great. He listened to my concerns and was willing to talk about it calmly without rolling his eyes at me…

I’m trying to make the best decision for my kids.  Have any of you been caught in the controversy of vaccinations? How did you decided?  Do you know of any good articles to read? How do you determine which articles are bunk and which ones are sound? Am I opening up a whole can of worms?  I almost feel like I have to look at each vaccine’s ingredients and make a case by case decision… or do they all have the same stuff in them?

Argg, I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.

If you are new to this subject here is an article I read this morning to make you just as frustrated about it as me. http://www.relfe.com/vaccine.html

Drum roll please…

Mandagirl!!

Yes, I’ve been awful this past week. I don’t think I could have had one conversation with my husband without it ending in total disaster, depression and a fit of grouchiness. My children have been suffering as well. I’ve flipped out at all the usual messes. I was wondering what on earth was wrong with me.

(have you guess it?)

This morning Emma woke me up and followed me into the bathroom…

She proceeded to point to my leg and ask “What is that?”

“Oh, ummm”

“Is it blood?”

“Um, yea”

“Why”

“Um, because I’m a girl.” I immediately saw the worry in her eyes and said “Because I’m a mommy.”

“Oh, okay” She lost interest and left the room.

It’s nice to know that I had a very good reason for my grouchiness. I wish there was a way to control it though. I just felt like such a crazy woman. I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs “I’m loosing my mind!! Warning… stay away! Or I will eat you for breakfast.”

Today is the day to look back on the day Isaac came into the world because today is his birthday. My little trouble, monkey man is now two. He has looked two and acted two for a while now but it’s official… he has arrived to the terrible two’s.

*** *** ***

It all starts with Emma. She came in to the world via C-section and it was very important to me to have or at least try a VBAC with Isaac. I wanted an all natural birth.

We originally started going to an OB in Maryland but we decided we didn’t like him so much even though he was given good reviews. We wanted some one that was willing to be flexible and work with us. We switched to The Maternity Center in Bethesda, MD. It’s a birthing center with a bunch of midwifes. Because I was a VBAC I was considered high risk. I couldn’t birth at the center but I felt at least I would have someone who was patient and flexible with delivering by baby. I also took Hypnobirthing classes with Jer. My big sista had used this method in bringing her 2 youngest babes into the world and loved it. Hello, pain free! I wanted to use it for achieving my highly desired all- natural-birth. I thought this would be the best way to avoid another C-section.

Time rolled on by. My due date was March 27th and I was getting closer and closer to that date. When I was 28 weeks along, the midwife measured my tummy and though I was measuring a week behind. She knew how much I wanted a natural birth (this means no inductions) so she bumped my due date back a week to April 2nd. This would hopefully give me an extra week to get this little boy here on my own.

I started walking and walking and walking… April 2nd came and went along with April 9th, 10th, 12th and 13th. Nothing much was going on down there. We tried to strip my membranes and still nothing happened. Time was running out and so we schedualed an induction date for Monday, April 17th. More walking and walking and walking.

Friday evening, the 14th, things started to happen. Mild, far apart contractions. Yea, at least it was something. I didn’t sleep to much Friday night. Saturday things didn’t pick up until the afternoon. I was suppose to call when contractions were 2 minutes apart or something like that. When I did call they had me head to the hospital. I think I arrived around 4 ish and when they check I was only at a 3. If I wasn’t high risk I would have turned around and finished laboring at home but they wanted to hook me up to all of the uncomfortable IV’s, monitors and such. Yuck, so un-natural. My contractions were still very bearable. Time ticked on.

Around 10 pm, I was a 7. I was on the slow boat and by now it had been over 24 hours since my contractions had started. My water finally broke and thing were now more intense. My midwife was so lovely. She sat by my bed and talked me through the whole thing. She made us (meaning my husband) feel better when she told us that the weird throaty, grunting noises were normal.

I still had 4 hours ahead of me but time ticked faster. I tired really hard not to grip the bed so tightly. There were times when I wondered how much longer I could handle things. I think so much of the fear is not knowing what is going to happen and how long it will take.

If I recall correctly, it took 2 hours of pushing. I wouldn’t say that it was painful… it was just super intense. I wasn’t so much in the groove like some of the women on the hypno birthing videos are but I did it. Two sleepless nights and 34 hours in labor, Isaac arrived at 1:08 am on April 16th, 3 weeks later then my original due date. I was sooo happy that I was patient and he came on his own. He was very healthy and weighed in at 9 lbs 7 oz.

Happy Birthday, Isaac. Love you.

I promise… but I have taken another trip… at it was ALL BY MYSELF!!

This last Friday and Saturday I was able to go to Seattle for my good friend’s wedding. I felt like I was back in college… riding on a plane all by myself, hanging out with the girlies, and site seeing without towing along a diaper bag, stroller and fussy little body.

The wedding festivities were all day Friday and I spent Saturday seeing the sites in Seattle. We went to Snoqualmie Falls , Pike Place Market , and Alki Beach. It was great fun being all alone and catching up with some dear friends. When I got home, Emma couldn’t stop saying how much she had missed me and how she wanted to be with me forever. Ah, it’s nice to be loved.

Check this out!! I’m not sure how many people get to do this… I was so nervous I was going to drop the fish.

We had a great time in California. I was nervous about how the kids would handle all the traveling but they did surprisingly well. I thought I’d share with you some of my favorite highlights.

Emma’s favorite part was of course all the princesses. She wanted to see all of them. She loved the Princes Fantasy Faire where they treat you like a princess, crown you and teach you how to dance and curtsy. I think she could have spent the whole day there. I thought story time with Cinderella was pretty cool too. We didn’t want to wait in line to meet the princess so we just stocked them. We sat by the staff doors where they come out to visit with the kids and then yell and wave at them. Jasmine, Mini Mouse and Belle each gave Emma a special hello calling her princess and sweetheart.

The parade was a hit too. Thank you to all who recommended it because we might have not taken the time to watch it otherwise. Emma was over the moon when Sleeping Beauty gave a special wave just for her.

Isaac was a real headache at times. He hating waiting in any lines. He constantly wanted to be free and running around (anyone surprised?) He was barely tall enough (35 in) to ride on the rides (except the roller coasters.) He liked the rides but it favorite was defiantly Autotopia. Vroom vroom!

Here I am making a fool of myself. Jer had a good laugh over this one. I was trying to make Emma feel comfortable by being screamy and excited. Emma barely hit 40 inches tall allowing her to ride on the bigger rides (all but Indiana Jones.) She even went on Space Mountain (ie. she hated it… but she went on it.)

This is what happens after a long day at Disneyland. The kids were so bushed we never had to put them to bed… They always just collapsed by the end of the day.

Jer had to work one of the days so we headed to the beach. After we had drove an hour to our beach of choice, the weather on the radio firmly announced that it was only 63 at the beaches. Drats. It obviously wasn’t swimsuit weather but turned out quite pleasant when wearing a sweatshirt. Emma had a blast in the sand. Isaac’s initial reaction was terror. He hated the water and didn’t want to go anywhere near it. He’s ticked in this picture because I had set him down with out me. He eventually discovered how fun it was to eat handfuls of sand and was happy from then on.

Sea World was pretty cool too. The shows are super fun and so is petting the dolphins and sting rays. Jeremy always wanted to sit in the soak zones. (The soak zone means just that!!) Emma said that her favorite animal was the polar bears but then she changed it to the dolphins… then when Jer asked her she said Shamu was her fav. I guess all of them were a hit.

We were able to hit the beach another day with the whole family. Our friends took us to this awesome beach with fire pits. The weather was a little bit warmer and we got to watch the sun set over the ocean. It’s amazing how fast it sinks. It was hard not to have feelings of wanting to move to Cali and enjoy this paradise all the time. There is something about sitting on the beach and being at the edge of a massive continent. Ahhh!

We went to dinner one night with one of my roomies from college. While we were waiting outside for our reservation the kids were having fun running around the courtyard. We had just sat 3 hours in LA traffic so I was happy to let them run around before I strapped them into high chairs. Before any of us knew it, (4 capable adults) Isaac was fully submerged in the water feature. I think he was fishing for the coins at the bottom. He wasn’t to happy about it after we pulled him out. Luckily I had some clothes to change him into for dinner.

It’s always good to return home after a long, fun trip.