Yesterday I had one of those really depressing days as a mother when you ask yourself if what you are doing… or not doing… is good enough.
Am I doing enough that my children will grow up properly? How can I keep the house clean, spend enough time with my son and set aside time for my hobbies? How can I teach my children to behave? to talk properly? to be nice to everyone and make good friends? Is what I’m doing enough?
How can I possibly do everything I should be doing when half of it is stuff I really don’t want to do? Am I being to selfish? Is what I’m doing good enough to make it into the pearly gates?
Being a mother is hard. It’s a super challenge. Most days are full of mundane tasks but in the long run all these little things are going to add up to be powerful enough to… do what… move mountains? I’m not sure but it must be something great. I know it’s important but sometimes I don’t feel up to the job.
Lately I’ve been thinking about opening up my own shop. A place to sell scrapbooking templates and maybe even some home sewn goods. It’s going to be a lot of work to get it up and running and I’m not sure I’m up for the job. In fact I’m totally overwhelmed by the idea. I already have a full time job. I’m torn. If I don’t try I’ll never know if I’ll be successful or not.
On the other hand… my little people need me.
In the midst of all this inner turmoil, my girlfriend posted about this youtube on her blog. It’s about creating. It hit home for me because I really want to create beautiful things.
“The desire to create is one of the deepest yearning of the human soul.”
I want to be a part of something great. I want to have a talent that is worth something. I found my self bawling into the sweet little fuzzy head of Leah. I found myself thinking about how the best creation that I have made is my children. So how can I balance my time between raising beautiful children and fulfilling my own dreams?
I was looking around amongst the other youtubes and found this one. It has a beautiful message as well and I think it answers my question. I’m not saying that I wont do my shop but I might just need to fix my priorities a bit. If I can better organize my time so that my boy doesn’t watch hours of TV while I’m on the computer than, yes, I’ll go for it. But not until I can get things set right.
“Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.”
My name is Manda and I love creating 
Thank you for being so transparent. You will never know how just saying these things out loud will encourage others who think they are the only ones having these feelings.
You’re right. It is difficult to have talents and feel like you are not using them to the fullest – especially in this industry where it seems that everyone who can click a mouse opens a “shop.” You see all kinds of people, moms just like you, who have these full, productive, busy lives, spinning all kinds of plates, making a name for themselves, being creative and maybe even making a little money for their families, and you think “why can’t I?”
But you are doing an amazing thing. You are pausing, taking a deep breath and really considering the unseen value of what you are already doing. No matter what you decide, the maturity and discipline of your thoughtful approach speaks volumes about who you are.
You never have to wonder if you’ve done enough. God just wants you to do only what He asks, bit by bit, day by day. That’s all. That’s enough.
Thank you for sharing your creativity with the rest of us. You matter.
Tami is right on, honey! You especially matter to those darling kiddos. NO ONE can be to them what you are! Always remember there is a time and a season. “Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.” Love you so much!
I have downloaded a bunch of your templates, but I finally used one! (You can see it on my blog http://susan-webb-hansen.blogspot.com/) Thanks so much!
Just because you are a mom doesn’t mean you don’t have dreams yourself that you can’t fulfill…and just because you have talents that you want to share with people doesn’t mean that you neglect your family…you do matter and I hope that you know you are very appreciated for sharing your talents with us…I think that if you want to do more with them you should!
That was deep. I loved those youtubes. Both of those talks are great ones. We all wonder, like you, if we are doing okay. And we all worry we aren’t doing enough or just the right thing. I like what Tami and your mama said. I think you’re amazing, and I think you’re doing great.:)
Your post struck a cord with me, as a mum i think i ponder these questions too. I have an 8 month old bub, 9 yr old, and 2 early teens, and it makes me wonder how much of a better mum i am now to my baby. I love the utubes,especially the create one, I have a whole collection of them now. Take care and you will do what is right/best for you and your family.
Thanks for sharing! Tami is right, they are things that are on all of our minds every day. I had a conversation with Bill about this very thing the other night- I want to have a talent- something that defines me. Your mom is also right, my 3 precious daughters define me right now!
Keep your chin up, you are a great mom. don’t ever doubt.
Great post. I too have been wondering “what I want to be when I grow up” a lot lately and wanting to try so many different things but not wanting to take away too much time from my DD who is growing so fast and will someday not want my undivided attention. Keep working at what you are doing and the time will come.
Awesome post…just confirms to all of your readers that all of us moms share common concerns.