A Jonah Christmas

Hello, everyone. I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas.

My Christmas was certainly merry. I was surrounded by wonderful family. We made memory after memory.  But I will tell you that I had some difficult, trying moments as well during this blessed holiday. At the end of it all, I had to tell my mom about it, like some daughters tend to do and she said, “Oh Mandy, you certainly have had a Jonah day!” And I thought, “Yes, I have. I have had a Jonah Christmas.” In case you don’t know what a Jonah Christmas could look like, I have typed for you a How to Guide.

How to Guide: Have yourself a Very Merry Jonah Christmas-

1. It is most important to pack any holiday schedule so incredibly tight with fun, adventurous things that no one is able to get a good nights rest and naps are virtually impossible. This creates shortened nerves and cranky babies. Perfect for holiday gatherings.

2. Do some crazy activity on Christmas Eve day, such as snowboarding. Have your mother babysit your kids so that you can go. Make sure she has a million things to do to get ready for Christmas like making 100 cinnamon rolls for her nearest and dearest friend. This allows her stress level to shoot through the roof and affect everyone else in the house as well as spill a gallon of milk.

3. While you are snowboarding, ride as hard as you possible can and fall down quite often. This will not only make you extremely tired but give you a kink in your neck and very sore muscles. You will then not want to get out of bed or move at all on Christmas morning when the kids wake you up at the first glimmer of day light.

4. Loose your car keys right before you head over to Grandma’s for the Christmas Eve dinner. This will make everyone late, frazzled and frantic.

5. On Christmas Day make sure you then LOCK your keys in the car just before going over to your Aunts house for the big traditional family Christmas dinner. Make sure that there is no spare keys available. This will allow you to have to find available seating for your whole family in other family members cars. It really is memorable to run around frantic and late AGAIN.

6. Make sure that your baby does not get a nap before your big Christmas dinner. After 4 days of sitters and crazy schedules this combination will make Baby clingy, cranky and unsocial, particularly with all men. This will, fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, will make it impossible for you to have a conversation with any of your loved ones.

7. Make sure that you are physically and emotionally drained so when you are leaving the party early and you are just about near tears, your sister can say goodbye to you and say see you in a couple of months. This, of course, for some unexplained emotional reason, will make the tears start flowing. As you huddle on the stairs sobbing into your sisters shoulder, your cousin and uncle that you barely know can walk by, see your mascara run eyes and awkwardly wish you a Merry Christmas and a thanks for coming.

8. Leave your camera in your sisters car that is going to Colorado. That way you wont have any of the pictures that prove that you were actually feeling merry at some point during the day.

9. Now if all those things were not enough to make a Jonah Christmas you better go drop your brand new, not even one day old favorite gadget on your mother’s tile floor. It must be something you wanted very badly, something you didn’t think you’d get, and something that cost a bit of money. This will, of course, break your very favorite new gadget and when you realize that you can not take it back, replace it, or get a warranty on it, it will then just about break your heart and make you cry yourself dry.  Christmas will then be over, your house will be a mess, your body and soul will be almost depleted and then, my friends, you will have had your very first Jonah Christmas.

Thank you for reading this How to Guide. I hope you have found this information helpful and useful and particularly informative. May you now be able to enjoy or avoid a day such as this. Happy holidays.